1. |
Word processors never display a cursor. |
2. |
You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences. |
3. |
All monitors display 2 inch high letters. |
4. |
High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces. |
5. |
Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain
English. |
6. |
Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard. |
7. |
Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just
like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors. |
8. |
All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off. |
9. |
Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so
that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across
the screen. |
10. |
All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of
smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward. (See #7, above) |
11. |
People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data. |
12. |
A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries. |
13. |
Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function. |
14. |
Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. |
15. |
When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building. |
16. |
If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a backup file, and
there are no undelete utilities. |
17. |
If a disk has encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it. |
18. |
No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer
platforms. |
19. |
The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled. |
20. |
Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying, three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability. |
21. |
Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY-MP. |
22. |
Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face. |
23. |
Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress. |
24. |
Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users. |
25. |
Any photograph can have minute details pulled out of it. You can zoom into any picture as far as you want to. For example: |
|
"What's that fuzzy thing in the corner? I don't know, let's check.
It's the murder weapon!" "Let's look under the bed for the killer's shoes. No, just some comics books (Marvel 1954, very rare). Let's check the
closet shelves . . ." |